R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
