I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
