I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
