hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i've created a new STD.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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