That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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