the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
