Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
