She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
