Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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