My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You ruined the universe
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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