The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize