i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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