I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
