Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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