he wants to bone in the snuggie
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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