I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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