he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
