So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize