if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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