Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
