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• (415): View more from California

  Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?

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• (714): View more from California

  He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.

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