After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
