i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
