you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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