This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
