He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize