i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
