just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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