I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
