Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize