yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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