Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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