my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
