That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
