But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
