sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
