Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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