glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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