Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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