what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
