The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
