Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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