I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
