you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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