I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize