my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
