U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
