Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
