But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
