you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
