She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
