you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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