Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
