with your own penis?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
