hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
