I faked an abortion last night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
