How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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