How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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