I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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