I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
