I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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