May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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