Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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