Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
