I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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