I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
