dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
