Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
