Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
