Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
