Can i not drive my cunt home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
