i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
