That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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