I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
