They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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