There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
