FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
