I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
