maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
