It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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