I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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