She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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