Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
