What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
