Cold hands, warm shart.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
