All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
