evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
