What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
