Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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