I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
