And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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