so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
