So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
