Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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