u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
