YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
