barbara walters just said penis...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize