just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
