I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize