Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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