no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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