i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
