Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
