Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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