I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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