My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
