why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
