Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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