It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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