I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
