So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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