I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
