i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He better not be in your backpack
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
