Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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(773): View more from Illinois

the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I'm wearing red that night.

(301): View more from Maryland

Noted, what shade?

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Whore.

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(626): View more from California

My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.

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(408): View more from California

Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been

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(702): View more from Nevada

It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.

(702): View more from Nevada

To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.

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